18
May
10

WAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!

Four wardecs at the moment. Four. Plus at least one troll thread on the official EVE forums about how Eve Uni wardecs innocent mining corps and regularly fields 70-pilot battleship fleets smattered with T2 frigates, which, um.

In the interests of honesty and fair disclosure, I present this sekrit document from Eve Uni’s own forums, dated several years back and lovingly resurrected every few months since. Behold, our tactics!

How EVE University fights their wars
by Patri Allin

How we fight a war –
We form a Grand Blob with 3 people who have been to lots of wars, 20 people who have just taken the tackling class, 5 people who are wondering what a ‘TS’ is, and 1 person who is so new they think this is part of the tutorial. It takes us 10 minutes to figure out if we are a ‘tackler’ or an ‘EW’, and we haven’t even left the station yet.

We find the enemy. As Leader #1 ‘calls a primary’ 4 people put their vote in gang chat, then Leader #2 says ‘Jam that guy’ and somewhere someone stands up from their computer and starts to do the ‘Hammer’, And although nobody ever quite realizes this is what happened, Leader #3 has already been podded by 5 of our own guys who are now super excited they killed an enemy Battleship.

After the dust clears we’ve got 5 people left – shot 5 of the enemy (net loss 45) and for us this is a MASSIVE FREAKIN VICTORY! It is too cause our ships cost 1mil each and thiers about 200. We try to remember which way is home and then fly off in the wrong direction as somewhere nearby, sitting in their pod in a station, someone is thinking this is the best tutorial in an MMO ever.

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4 Responses to “WAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!”


  1. 1 hellscure
    May 19, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    :) love it!

  2. May 19, 2010 at 2:38 pm

    Its funny cos it is true. I was not that bad, but I was like “what is align to?” “What is gatecamp?” “How do I tackle?” I did not die and I did not kill anyone, so overall a good first outing ;-)

  3. 3 hellscure
    May 20, 2010 at 6:38 am

    Long time ago, I had the same problems… well, no. Every day I tend to ask my corpmates questions I do not know the answer to :) eve though you may say I have some experience in Eve.

  4. May 20, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    You didn’t tackle a gate, shoot someone in your own fleet, or warp right into a gatecamp even once. That’s ahead of many people’s first fleet experiences right there :D


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About

A new EVE Online player comes to term with spreadsheets, spaceships and the steepest learning curve in MMO history. (SPACESHIPS, you guys!)

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